Exploring Kinks and Fetish:What turns you on?

Written by John Tate

Exploring what arouses you or discovering your deepest fantasies might not be straightforward. If you find it challenging to pinpoint what truly excites you sexually, you’re not alone. Many struggle with understanding their turn-ons, leading to difficulty communicating desires to their partners.

Consider this scenario:

A: “Sex lacks fulfillment for me. I don’t feel aroused.”

B: “What do you need to feel turned on and satisfied?”

A: “I’m not sure.”

This kind of conversation can feel unproductive. But two key factors can aid in uncovering what stimulates you sexually: experience and research. To support your journey of self-exploration, we’ve assembled a guide to delve into kinks and fetishes. This resource aims to assist in identifying your turn-ons and navigating discussions with your partner when ready to incorporate these fantasies into your intimate life.

Get more experience

Gaining more sexual experience doesn’t always involve engaging with multiple partners. While each encounter can offer insights, there are ways to expand your sexual knowledge without inviting new individuals into your bed.

Exploring Pornography or Erotic Literature

Dive into pornography or erotic literature to explore what truly arouses you. This serves as a safe space to step beyond your comfort zone and delve into various sexual scenarios. What excites you in these scenarios might not necessarily be what you desire in real life. For instance, a scenario involving your boss may be thrilling in a fantasy but doesn’t necessarily translate to a real-world desire.

Experimenting with Different Sex Toys

Trying out different sex toys, such as a clitoral sucking vibrator, can offer new experiences and enhance fantasies. These toys can elevate your imagination and simulate sensations akin to your partner’s or a stranger’s touch.

Testing Fantasies with Your Partner

When you’ve identified particular fantasies, consider experimenting with them alongside your partner. Communication is key here. Discuss boundaries openly and establish the freedom to stop at any point if either of you feels uncomfortable or no longer enjoys the experience. Take things at your own pace, maintaining control over the pace of exploration. You have the autonomy to progress slowly or rapidly based on your comfort level.

Know thyself

If you’ve never delved into kinks or fetishes before, keeping an open mind is key. These preferences aren’t universal, and what excites one person might not do the same for you. However, exploring this aspect of your sexuality can significantly enhance your sexual encounters. It’s important to understand the differences between kinks and fetishes, as these terms are often used interchangeably but have distinct meanings.


A fetish involves a behavior that arouses an individual, and sometimes, it’s the primary way they become sexually aroused. It’s a psychological craving for specific objects or acts that bring pleasure and lead to orgasm. Frequently, these objects may not inherently appear sexual, such as a fixation on feet (known as partialism). Alternatively, a person might have a fetish for certain items like a corset or a leather belt, which become sexually charged in their perception.


On the other hand, a kink refers to an activity or behavior that deviates from societal norms in sexual contexts. It intensifies arousal and contributes to sexual experiences but isn’t necessary for pleasure or reaching orgasm. Examples include BDSM, impact play (like spanking or whipping), or engaging in role-playing scenarios.

Here are some commonly fantasized kinks and fetishes that people explore:


This involves dominance/submission, sadism/masochism, and bondage/discipline, widely fantasized by both men and women.

Bodily Fluids:

This may involve male and female ejaculate, spit, breast milk, urine, and even feces, often incorporated into dominance/submission scenarios.


Watching others have sex or undress, seeking the thrill of not being discovered.


The excitement of engaging in sexual acts in public or in front of an audience, sometimes without their consent. This could also include public flashing or masturbating.

Age Play:

Fantasizing about adopting different roles and ages, sometimes involving dressing or acting like a child, occasionally linked with dominance/submission or humiliation.


Engaging in sex while dressed as animals, allowing a psychological escape from self-awareness for a deeper focus on sexual pleasure.


Commonly seen among men, this fantasy involves watching one’s partner have sex with another person, sometimes involving elements of BDSM, submission, or humiliation.

Exploring these fantasies may vary greatly from person to person. To discover if any of these resonate with you, it’s essential to approach them with an open mind and explore them firsthand.